


I wasn't made for you

by PeppermintR



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27312190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeppermintR/pseuds/PeppermintR
Summary: In theory, everything was supposed to be perfect.
Relationships: Courfeyrac/Jean Prouvaire, Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	I wasn't made for you

In theory, everything was supposed to be perfect. They were a match made in heaven and everybody, including themselves, knew it.

Grantaire had once joked that if they didn’t last forever then nobody would. The fact that to this day Enjolras and Grantaire are still together and Jehan and Courf are not is proof that not every _perfect_ match is actually perfect.

I guess it started in high school, much like everything. High school is like an isolated instance in the universe where everything possibly good and possibly bad happens. 

They had gotten together shortly before graduating--a poet and an optimist, both had claimed it was love at first sight. 

-

Honeyed words and tender touches, it had been soft and beautiful at the start. They expressed feelings easily, lunging at the chances of exchanging _I love yous_ from their lips. It had been so easy to love each other then. 

It was in their second year in college that Jehan often wondered how such desire transformed into something barely there, something that once was a visceral reaction turning into something that needed reminding.

Suddenly, the ‘want’ became something like an obligation or an afterthought, something in existence. Jehan and Courfeyrac became a naturalized thing and their desire to stay together was because they hadn’t really thought about separating.

  
Jehan had once asked Grantaire how it felt to love.

_(Grantaire gave him a startled smile. “Did I not wax lyrically enough about my forlorn and unrequited love?”_

_Jehan scoffed. “It’s hardly unrequited now.” They said, shifting gazes to Enjolras who keeps looking at Grantaire as subtly as he can manage--which is to say, not subtle at all. “I think he’s trying to send you a message telepathically.”_

_Grantaire laughs. Enjolras and he had a budding relationship, Jehan wasn’t quite sure when things shifted for both of them but there’s an ongoing betting pool he certainly wasn’t about to lose._

_“So?” Jehan prodded._

_Grantaire looked thoughtfully at the drink in his hand, first and only of the night, only half drunk and declined a refill. With the liquid sloshing idly in his glass, and_ _ghost of a smile adorning his lips, he answered._

_“I think you know how it doesn’t feel like, if you have to ask.”)_

  
It was also in their second year in college that Courfeyrac wondered if this was how love is supposed to feel like. Like a slow dimming fireplace doomed to die down. He thought something must be wrong with him, to feel like this, to fall out of love when he had loved so deeply. 

_(“Oh Courf, I’m sure you know it’s not.” Marius had said and Courfeyrac had bursted out crying. Marius, bless him, can sometimes be the wisest out of all of them.)_

It was not to say they hadn’t tried. There had been efforts, unknowingly initiated by both, to rekindle the passions of teenage romance. But clearly, it’s not the same and will never be the same, but how bittersweet it was to hold memories of when to love felt like breathing, effortless and natural.

-

Courfeyrac led Jehan under a tree where they often had picnic dates. Phantom laughter and fluttering kisses echoed in their conscience. The suffocating moments that were hung over their heads as they sat side by side, looking at the serene view in front of them. People were walking around leisurely, not noticing how hard they were screaming inside. 

Jehan knew what was happening. They tried to brace themselves, but they can’t stop the way their heart is hammering in their chest, not in the way that it used to. 

Finally, _finally_ , Courfeyrace took a deep breath and spoke.

“I want to desperately be the one for you,” He said, holding Jehan’s hand, clutching it fervently, desperately wishing he wasn’t doing this. He was trying to keep it together, willing the tears not to fall. He had already cried so much last night when he realized he needed to do this. “But I’m not.”

There was silence. And then Jehan’s face crumpled. 

They knew. They knew what was going to happen, but Jehan couldn't steel himself from this wave of pain. 

“I loved you so much, Courf.” They said, sobbing, hands reaching up to cover his eyes, folding in upon himself. “I loved you so much.”

Courfeyrac held him, feeling the tremble in their shoulders, tears staining his sweater. “I did too. I loved you too.”

-

Two weeks later, finals were over and Courfeyrac was his usual jolly self, ribbing Enjolras, laughing with Bossuet and Joly, drinking with Bahorel. He was on his second glass when Jehan walked in with Grantaire. Their hair was short. No longer braided and flowing.

It had been two weeks since their break-up. Two weeks. But at that moment, Courfeyrac felt raw, like his heart was breaking again. The familiar ache he thought had dulled, seared in pain. 

Later, Jehan stood beside him outside the bar. 

“I like your hair.” Courf said, tucking his phone in his pocket. 

Jehan smiled, tucking a strand behind their ear. “Thanks.”

“I gotta be honest, Prouvaire, it seemed like my heart broke again when I saw you walk in.” Courf jokes, chuckling a little.

Jehan shifted and fiddled with his hands. “Mine did too.” They leaned on the wall and looked up at the stars. “Actually, I went out to see if you were as miserable as me.”

Laughter bubbled out of Courf, mimicking Jehan’s posture. “Well, I am, _monsieur_. Consider yourself sympathized.” 

Silence dawned on them. Not the same silence that visited them on their break up. This silence wasn’t as foreboding. It was comfortable, albeit a little painful. 

Eventually, Courfeyrac’s sniffles broke it and Jehan held his hands like Courf did for them two weeks ago. 

**Author's Note:**

> A Jehan x Courfeyrac break-up fic. I found it in my drafts and I put this as the brief plot description "We've all heard of 2 broken people learning about love, get ready for 2 idealistic people finding out love isn't in everything." lol
> 
> Title is a lyric from Rex Orange County's "Best Friend".


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